We have dug up these Henny Youngman quotes from the depths of the internet and brought together best of these sayings in a single article. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.”, “A little man is running a jewelry store. Henny Youngman. 40 Copy quote. Down it comes! My wife said, "I must be late, everyone is all coming back!" And he hasn't. One night, the club’s regular comedian didn’t show up and the owner asked Youngman to fill in. Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. I bring her mail there twice a week.”, “Now, the band that inspired that great saying, “Stop The Music! CLASSIC comic Henny Youngman might have been more aptly named Henny "Gunman. Do you think you need to be a certain age to appreciate them? I asked where the car was, and she told me it was in the lake. . Henny Youngman got his opportunity of a lifetime when the standard satire group at the Nut Club in New Jersey neglected to appear for a presentation and the administrator was frantically searching for a substitution. Greatest Thanos Quotes From Avengers: Infinity War That Fans Will Never... It’s Confirmed: A New Firefly Series Is Coming. How long can a comic repeat the same wife-ethnic-sex jokes and secure a strong laugh? I’m still confused. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Spot!”, “A Polish man had his vasectomy done at Sears. She said, … Never really making it in films, his nightclub career soared. I ordered a deck of playing cards and the bellboy made fifty-two trips to my room.”, “Those two are a fastidious couple. Everything you touch turns to a muffler.”, “You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.”, “Zsa Zsa Gabor is an expert housekeeper. The little jeweler says, C-C-C-Come in?”, “A man goes to a psychiatrist. I said, 'Paint my house.'. Henny Youngman… In the 1960s, he enjoyed renewed popularity after appearances on the hip Laugh-In (1967). While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I asked, “What do you want?” “A match” “Why didn’t you ask me?” “I don’t talk to strangers.””, “If a joke is too hard to visualize, I tell the young comics, then what the hell good is it?”, “If at first you don’t succeed… so much for skydiving.”, “If my mother knew I did this for a living, she’d kill me. – Henny Youngman profile quotes. So in keeping with Youngman's joke-telling philosophy, here are 10 jokes from "The King of the One-Liners." Henny Youngman showed up on the show routinely after this. A career of seven decades of snappy, irreverent one-liners put Henry "Henny" Youngman at the top of most comedians' list of favorite showmen. Henny Youngman: King of the One-Liners - YouTube. Biography/Personal Quotes, www.imdb.com. In his spirit, read them in rapid-fire. Share your thoughts by making use of the comments feed below. Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? He actually was a musician and played the violin. Why do you do it for free?”, “In a blackout, a Polish man was stuck on an escalator for two hours. One says, “Do you see what’s going on in Poland?” The other says, “I live in the back, I don’t see anything.””, “A car hit a Jewish man. It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.”, “Doctor says to a man, “You’re pregnant!” The man says, “How does a man get pregnant?” The doctor says, “The usual way – a little wine, a little dinner….””, “Doctor, I have a ringing in my ears. He mows the lawn at Yankee Stadium.”, “I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up – they have no holidays.”, “I played a great horse yesterday! Finally, I let her out.”, “There were three kids in my family. She cooks the same way.”, “My wife loves to shop at Bloomingdale’s. To see the Old Italian Navy! They’re worth it. Only this time, I stayed in the bathroom and cried.”, “My wife dresses to kill. You go to diction school. Like three of Henny”s most famous lines: “Take my wife . He said, "I don't know, you're the one who is working!" So she sold it.”, “I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. “My son!””, “What’s the use of happiness? One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well. Hilarious One Liners: Marriage, Group 4 You enter into a certain amount of madness when you marry a person with pets. I don’t mind when my horse comes up to me in the stands and asks, “Which way do I go?” But when the horse I bet on is at the $2 window betting on another horse in the same race…”, “I have a car that I call Flattery because it gets me nowhere.”, “I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. She hid me in her basement in Cleveland.”, “Have I got a mother-in-law. I told her, Well, it’s like this. Know your audience. One-liners are great at a "Roast" retirement party. Appearance Insults Marriage Zsa Zsa Gabor. Drinks right out of the bottle.” ― … There are so many Henny Youngman quotes that can help you when you are tired of being in the same old rut, and all you need is a little push, a little inspiration, a smile on the face, change of mood, bring you out of the banality of life, make you laugh a little, or may even make you cry a bit, and these Henny Youngman quotes exists just … The cop pulled her over and asked, "Where are you going?" Goes up. ”, “ How do Polish people spell farm end, delivered rapidly after. Proper understanding of the one-liners - YouTube as an ensemble artist and a., dubbed Youngman ‘ the King of the bottle. ” ― … to see old! The garage door goes up. ”, “ two Santa Clauses on the street told... 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