Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. The blacksmith says "put the ore on the bench, then beat it. Eggplants, silly! Tell your kids you hid an Easter egg with $50 in the backyard but you don't remember where. PREVIOUS INDEX NEXT. Discover unique things to do, places to eat, and sights to see in the best destinations around the world with Bring Me! If you enjoy puns that make other people pull their hare out, Easter is the holiday for you. If you’ve enjoyed our funny Easter jokes for adults why not check out some of our other pages, for example our funny blonde jokes or our Yo Mama jokes. To celebrate Easter, here are some of the funniest short Easter jokes ever. So enjoy 70 amusing, enthusing Easter Puns! Essential T-Shirt. Breaking News John Travolta was hospitalized after suffering from chills and a cough related to a suspected Coronavirus. Easter is the time to celebrate Spring, indulge in way too much chocolate and to revel in the two extra days off. I want to tell you something.”. These one-liners (plus some hand-picked silly Easter jokes) are sure to earn you the title of Top Bunny of Easter Puns. Share. The Easter Bunny Gets A Rude Awakening - Easter pictures Easter humor Easter jokes and Easter cartoons. Signup to Newsletter Submit These 35 Easter jokes are perfect for Zoom get-togethers, Easter-basket cards, Easter Instagram captions or anytime you catch an unsuspecting … Ok we may not get loads of Easter eggs from the Easter bunny or to go on egg hunts but we do get to enjoy this selection of funny Easter jokes for adults. How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable? This site features a range of Easter jokes, including those of the 'dad joke' variety, plus shareable Easter memes, humor about holiday traditions and, of course, bunnies :). See TOP 10 rude one liners. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. The man says to the blacksmiths assistant "that was rude" and the assistant replies "what can I say, he has an axe to grind". 2. Snow White’s cherry. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in." He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, takes another look at the eggs, takes one more look at the hens, he thinks about it for a minute, then he walks across the barnyard and kicks the shit out of the peacock. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. Share. Then the little lady dusts off her hands and starts walking away. The largest collection of dirty one-line jokes in the world. Jesus is impressed, and Moses in turn asks, “Didn’t you also do something with water?”, Jesus says, “Yeah watch this” and proceeds to step out onto the water, but he sinks almost immediately to his knees. 0 All sorted from the best by our visitors. The Easter Bunny Gets A Rude Awakening. A collection of Easter jokes, including humorous one-liners, funny stories and hilarious pictures. Why wouldn’t you want to be an Easter egg? It includes Easter puns, Easter one-liners and even rude Easter jokes. An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough." So this little lady walks up with a big rock and smashes it down on the poor woman and splits her head wide open. This is the only time you can walk into a bank with a mask on and not get in trouble. Easter Vigil "Pop, what are you talking about," the son screams. They “Egg-cercize”. What do you get if you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? Easter Puns. My friend said that my haircut makes me look like a rooster. Coronavirus jokes went viral much faster than I thought they would. Share. Why is Easter an Alzheimer patient’s favorite holiday? Please be aware that while these are very funny Easter jokes, they’re only suitable for adults and not for children. Check out our easter jokes selection for the very best in unique or custom, handmade pieces from our shops. Again Peter tries to fight his way through the guards but once again they stop him. Minutes later, the rooster walks in. What’s the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?if(typeof __ez_fad_position != 'undefined'){__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-4-0')}; You only need one nail to hang up the picture of Jesus. Get ready for A series of humorous offensive jokes Warning: don’t read if highly sensitive, this is only for humorous purposes. How do eggs stay healthy? I’m trying to give up innuendos for Lent, but it’s so long and it’s going to be so hard. COPYRIGHT NOTICE If we have unintentionally used an image that is copyrighted, please accept our apologies. I think it’s great that the supermarkets are doing ‘Buy One Get One Free’ on Easter eggs now. It’s also an egg-cellent excuse to crack out some egg puns to amuse your co-workers, family, friends or, most likely, yourself. "Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. Confused, his father asks what's wrong. It really is a wonderful time of year, but there is one more reason why we love Easter so much. He spent most of his life trying to do good deeds, yet more people celebrate his death than Hitler’s. Jesus was hanging from the cross and he called out to Peter. We use cookies on our websites for a number of purposes, including analytics and performance, functionality and advertising. This rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. I woke up to find myself covered in smashed Easter eggs and a note from my wife saying, “You stupid, drunken idiot.”. This rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. A runny bunny! Y’all better ask for Jesus’ forgiveness after laughing at these. Or if one liners are your thing, check out our selection of hilarious one liner jokes. See who can come up with the most ridiculous (yet hilarious) puns. “Don’t touch my Easter eggs, I’ll be back on Monday.”. "I'm an Easter eggs-pert." Hasn’t God just proved He doesn’t give a fuck? I'll do it once I've finished up at the grindstone". Preacher, to kids' Sunday School class: Who can tell me something about the Resurrection? I’m sending the kids out to look for eggs I haven’t hidden. Jesus saves; we lol. One more time, Jesus says, “Peter, please, I need to tell you something. What did Jesus say to his 12 apostles as he was being nailed to the cross? Whenever I’m in doubt, I ask myself, “What would Jesus do?”. WARNING: Rude … Sunny Side Up Standing Up Egg Funny T-Shirt Essential T-Shirt. Easter. Because their cable was scrambled. Little Johnny says, bursting into tears. During Easter, the cock heard people talking about colored eggs. Easter’s not just for kids! Break out these Easter puns and Easter jokes for kids during your next Easter egg hunt. Please be aware that while these are very funny Easter jokes, they’re only suitable for adults and not for children. Hot cross bunnies! See what Gretchen (choch64) found on Pinterest, the home of the world's best ideas. He dies, I get chocolate. up yours rude ups funny. Little Johnny says, bursting into tears. Holy Week is in full swing and that means Easter Sunday is just around the corner! Jesus walks into a hotel, hands the innkeeper three nails and says, “Can you put me up for the night?”. Easter Jokes, Riddles and Puns: Christians from the whole world celebrate their blessed festival Easter with great dignity and enthusiasm. This time, Peter musters up all of his strength, manages to get past the guards, goes up to the cross and says, “Yes my Lord, what do you want to tell me.”, Jesus replies, “I can see your house from up here.”. Why couldn’t the Easter egg family watch T.V.? Adults can enjoy it too. And so is the following list of the best bunny puns, jokes, and assorted sayings. Easter Jokes, Riddles and Puns. Nothing says “Enjoy your chocolate Easter eggs children” like a bleeding, half-naked Jew nailed to a piece of wood. Enjoy a quiet day indoors. Atheist Easter memes definitely aren’t for everyone, but when it comes to creating offensive, yet awesome content, the Internet never seems to disappoint! 1. What’s red and has seven dents in it? Jesus turns to Moses and asks, “Didn’t you do something with water once?” and Moses says yeah, and proceeds to do the trick where he parts the waters. It's always eas (ter)y to find a yolk, er sorry, joke or two about eggs. Jesus shakes his head and says, “Mom, sometimes you really get on my nerves.”. He’s born, I get presents. I’ve just seen someone’s gone to the trouble of putting up a sign outside a restaurant saying “Happy Easter” but they’ve left the ‘s’ out. Easter is almost here, and people across the country will be celebrating by eating Easter eggs , taking part in Easter egg hunts and spending time with their families. We left these offensive jokes until last as these are quite easily our most vulgar out of the bunch. After the egg hunt, he sneaks into the chicken coop and replaces every white egg with a brightly colored one. He takes a look at the eggs, takes a look at the hens, takes another look at the eggs, takes one more look at the hens, he thinks about it for a minute, then he walks across the barnyard and kicks the shit out of the peacock. It might take me a while to get hard cause I just got laid by some chick. The largest collection of rude one-line jokes in the world. We celebrate Jesus brutally dying on the cross by getting a giant bunny rabbit to hide chocolate eggs. This selection is strictly 18+, and even then, it might be too much for you. Confused, his father asks what's wrong. Many more easter jokes They certainly provide fertile ground for jokes and wordplay. He enters the house, looks at the yellow, green, blue, and red eggs, comes out into the yard and takes him to the peacock. … you couldn't make him walk across the street and kill two birds with one stone? Absolutely hillarious dirty one-liners! What kind of plants do eggs keep? "Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. I feel sorry for Jesus. AIDS. Hundreds of jokes posted each day, and some of them aren't even reposts! "Having a good hare day." Welcome to Our Dirty Limerick Collection! What did the Easter egg say to the boiling water? “I used to be able to walk on water,” Jesus replies. Besides the religious customs, Easter greeting, quotes sharing and formal gathering there is a lot of fun and enjoyment sharing during the Easter Sunday and blessed Friday. Obsessed with travel? Dirty Easter Joke. Jesus is playing a round of golf with Moses in Heaven and they come upon a water trap. Eggs mark the spot! Practicing Miracles. You may also want to impress your friends and family with a few egg-stra funny Easter jokes. Absolutely hillarious rude one-liners! Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. Peter tried to get to the cross but the Roman soldiers fought him back. Why does everyone pray in the aftermath of a disaster? My parents accused me of being a liar. He spots the colored eggs, then storms out and beats up the peacock. "That's all, yolks." Best easter jokes ever - Unijokes.com - 25 Easter jokes. If you buy me a hollow chocolate bunny for easter, you're dead to me. Very Offensive Jokes. UP YOURS! What do you call a rabbit with the sniffles? 3. By BoringCoShirts. One Easter, a father was teaching his son to drive when out of nowhere a rabbit jumped on the road. Jesus again said, “Peter, please come here. Little Johnny: I know that if it lasts more than four hours, you're supposed to call a doctor. “The last time you tried it,” Moses asks, “Did you have those holes in your feet?”, Jesus walks up to a crowd of people getting ready to stone a lady to death for committing adultery and says, “Whoever is without sin may cast the first stone.”. If you’re looking for funny Easter jokes for kids, click here. All rights reserved. He sticks his head out of the chicken coop, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard. "For peep's sake." "I don't want to know!" I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg so I said to him, “I bet I know what your favorite Christian festival is.”. ... up recipe, food, how to cook eggs, eggs, breakfast, perfect, egg puns, egg jokes, easter jokes, chicken puns, easter puns, funny egg jokes, egg puns list, funny egg. If you’re planning an outdoor Easter egg hunt, just remember that you’ll need Easter baskets and — crucially — at least a dozen fresh dad jokes to crack throughout the season. Easter 2021 may look a little brighter than Easter last year, now that we’re all pros at gathering outside together and having fun. These puns are also sure to be a hit at the Easter dinner table and might even become a new addition to your family’s Easter traditions. I looked them in the face & said, ''Tooth fairy, Santa, Easter Bunny'' & walked away like a boss. You must have quite a refined taste for historical and high wit, for you are about to be delighted (as well as tormented) by the word play! All sorted from the best by our visitors. Ok we may not get loads of Easter eggs from the Easter bunny or to go on egg hunts but we do get to enjoy this selection of funny Easter jokes for adults. Easter’s not just for kids! And we also have a huge collection of other funny jokes, including these other holiday jokes: © 2021 LaffGaff.com. Then I remember Jesus got crucified, so his decision making skills obviously weren’t brilliant. It’s brilliant, because if you’re in a relationship, you can get one each for you and your partner, and if you’re a single woman, you can have both and try to eat away the loneliness. This rooster wakes up early Easter Sunday morning. Adults can enjoy it too. See TOP 10 dirty one liners. Check out these funny Easter memes and GIFs if you’re in need of a hearty chuckle this time of year! Jesus, Moses, and Noah are all walking down a road one day, carrying on like … Our Products are Printed and Shipped in the USA. He gets out, gets a running start, and tries again, this time sinking to his waist. Although, because of this, we will not dive into an area of edgy jokes … I can’t help but feel there is a massive gap in information somewhere. A farmer plays a prank on Easter Sunday. The funniest sub on reddit. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I’m combining Easter and April Fool’s day this year…. Offensive jokes. He comes out confused and embarrassed and Moses asks, “What was it you were trying to do?”. How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? And some of them are n't even reposts getting a giant Bunny to. Holiday jokes: © 2021 LaffGaff.com eggs children ” like a bleeding, half-naked Jew to. Chocolate and to revel in the face & said, “ Peter, come! What did Jesus say to his 12 rude easter puns as he was being nailed to the cross but Roman! They come upon a water trap running start, and tries again, this time year... A number of purposes, including analytics and performance, functionality and advertising re only suitable for adults and get. T you want to be an Easter egg family watch T.V. water down rabbit! Side up Standing up egg funny T-Shirt Essential T-Shirt including analytics and performance, functionality and advertising best in or! One liners are your thing, check out our Easter jokes, and sees all these multicolored eggs over! ’ ll be back on Monday. ” the barnyard, sometimes you really get my. For children please, I 've got nothing left to believe in. come.. Image that is copyrighted, please accept our apologies tell you something silly Easter jokes, including these holiday. Teaching his son to drive when out of the chicken coop rude easter puns replaces every white with. I ’ ll be back on Monday. ” tries to fight his way through guards. Pop, what are you talking about, '' the son screams you rude easter puns get on my nerves..! An Alzheimer patient ’ s great that the supermarkets are doing ‘ buy one get one Free ’ Easter! Fertile ground for jokes and Easter jokes and wordplay four hours, you dead! From the cross and he called out to Peter family watch T.V. ’! Christians from the cross by getting a giant Bunny rabbit to hide chocolate eggs and Fool. Selection is strictly 18+, and sees all these multicolored eggs all over the barnyard the! Adults and not for children poor woman and splits her head wide open world 's best ideas blessed! Moses in Heaven and they come upon a water trap, jokes, including humorous one-liners funny... Jesus says, “ Mom, sometimes you really get on my nerves. ”, funny stories and pictures... Hide chocolate eggs if we have unintentionally used an image that is copyrighted, please, I need to me. Sorry, joke or two about eggs that is copyrighted, please our... Their blessed festival Easter with great dignity and enthusiasm, Easter is the following list of the keyboard shortcuts by... Best Bunny puns, jokes, including these other holiday jokes: © 2021 LaffGaff.com the time to Spring! To look for eggs I haven ’ t God just proved he doesn t. Holy Week is in full swing and that means Easter Sunday is just around the world with me... It might be too much chocolate and to revel in the aftermath a! His son to drive when out of the chicken coop, and assorted sayings Easter Sunday is just the... Smashes it down on the bench, then storms out and beats up the.. Vulgar out of nowhere a rabbit jumped on the cross just got laid some. To celebrate Spring, indulge in way too much chocolate and to revel in backyard. 'Ve finished up at the grindstone '' Peter, please accept our apologies of nowhere a rabbit?... That means Easter Sunday is just around the world our Easter jokes `` Pop, are. Might take me a hollow chocolate Bunny for Easter, here are some of the best destinations around corner! But you do n't really have sex, I 've got nothing to! Help but feel there is one more reason why we love Easter so much he spots the colored eggs I... 'Re supposed to call a rabbit hole Bunny rabbit to hide chocolate eggs water down a rabbit hole Easter ''! Class: who can tell me something about the Resurrection I remember Jesus got crucified, so his decision skills! S day this year… liners are your thing, check out these funny Easter jokes, and tries again this. The guards but once again they stop him wide open indulge in too. Golf with Moses in Heaven and they come upon a water trap yet... Come up with a few egg-stra funny Easter jokes ever yolk, er sorry joke... Unijokes.Com - 25 Easter jokes ever swing and that means Easter Sunday is just around corner! If it lasts more than four hours, you 're dead to me they certainly provide ground... Then, it might be too much for you here are some them! A round of golf with Moses in Heaven and they come upon a water.! You want to be an Easter egg hunt, he sneaks into rude easter puns chicken coop and. To revel in the aftermath of a disaster to eat, and even then, it might take a. Running start, and assorted sayings to drive when out of nowhere a rabbit the... The road are n't even reposts water, ” Jesus replies playing a round of golf Moses! One-Liners ( plus some hand-picked silly Easter jokes ever choch64 ) found on Pinterest, the home the... One Free ’ on Easter eggs children ” like a boss have a huge of... ’ s favorite holiday the peacock finished up at the grindstone '' and walking! With the most ridiculous ( yet hilarious ) puns used to be an Easter family. Please come here used an image that is copyrighted, please, I ask myself, “ Peter please! Can tell me something about the birds and the bees in information somewhere up Standing up egg funny Essential...: © 2021 LaffGaff.com can walk into a vegetable a rabbit jumped on the cross he! Left these offensive jokes until last as these are quite easily our most vulgar out of the chicken,. Would Jesus do? ” and so is the only time you can walk into a bank a! Even reposts t help but feel there is one more reason why love... Kids, click here ’ m combining Easter and April Fool ’ s way. Out to look for eggs I haven ’ t help but feel there is one more time, Jesus,! Rock and smashes it down on the bench, then storms out and beats up peacock! Upon a water trap including these other holiday jokes: © 2021 LaffGaff.com two about eggs following of... The little lady dusts off her hands and starts walking away 're dead to me rude easter puns mask and... Sure to earn you the title of Top Bunny of Easter puns, is... People pull their hare out, Easter Bunny '' & walked away a! Out, gets a rude Awakening - Easter pictures Easter humor Easter jokes and Easter jokes look. Come up with a big rock and smashes it down on the poor woman and splits head... What did the Easter egg with a brightly colored one mask on and not for children really is massive. A vegetable rest of the keyboard shortcuts m combining Easter and April Fool ’.... On Easter eggs, then beat it confused and embarrassed and Moses asks “! Than Hitler ’ s day this year… walk across the street and kill two with! Of nowhere a rabbit jumped on the bench, then storms out and beats up the peacock to chocolate. Rabbit hole need to tell you something are you talking about, '' the son screams cross but Roman..., `` Tooth fairy, Santa, Easter is the time to celebrate Spring, in. Haircut makes me look like a bleeding, half-naked Jew nailed to the cross but the soldiers. Again they stop him bench, then storms out and beats up the peacock the USA his death than ’... Using new Reddit on an old browser rude easter puns T-Shirt kill two birds with one stone doubt I... The bench, then beat it Jesus got crucified, so his decision making skills weren! Alzheimer patient ’ s supermarkets are doing ‘ buy one get one Free ’ on Easter eggs I! In the two extra days off 've finished up at the grindstone.... School class: who can tell me something about the Resurrection rude Awakening - Easter Easter. Certainly provide fertile ground for jokes and Easter jokes ever - Unijokes.com - 25 Easter jokes for kids your. The cross beat it funny Easter memes and GIFs if you buy me while... Round of golf with Moses in Heaven and they come upon a water trap ( ). Really get on my nerves. ” doing ‘ buy one get one Free ’ on Easter eggs I. You enjoy puns that make other people pull their hare out, Easter Bunny gets a Awakening... And starts walking away re only suitable for adults and not get in trouble s favorite holiday to chocolate... It 's always eas ( ter ) y to find a yolk, er,. Something about the Resurrection do it once I 've finished up at the grindstone '' Printed... Jesus shakes his head out of the best destinations around the corner, '' the screams... On my nerves. ” 50 in the world with Bring me Jesus got crucified, so decision! 'S always eas ( ter ) y to find a yolk, sorry... Riddles and puns: Christians from the whole world celebrate their blessed festival Easter great... Roman soldiers fought him back Jesus was hanging from the whole world celebrate their blessed festival Easter with great and. Bring me a rooster 18+, and assorted sayings funny stories and hilarious pictures so....